So my man calls me last night to tell me that his mother is at the mall and is looking for a Christmas present for me. Not surprising, since we clearly expressed that we did NOT want any gifts from anyone this year as we don't have the extra funds to be buying for everyone like we have in past years. I still haven't figured out if she's doing it to make me feel guilty, or to make her feel less guilty because she can't not buy a present for her son. Anyhoo, apparently she found some lovely bath salts she thought I would like. (Can I just point out here that I have honestly only taken one, maybe two, baths in the 3 yrs we've been together?) Apparently the reason she was calling about them is because she was wondering if I would be offended. You're probably wondering how a person could be offended by bath salts. BRACE YOURSELVES PEOPLE. What you are about to read will either make you fall off your chair flat on your ass or laugh so hard that your morning coffee spits on your nose.
The bath salts are called Tramp. Yes, T-R-A-M-P. As in slut, whore, easy, skank, trollop, loose, bimbo, hussy, floozie, jezebel, harlot, tart, wench. Shall I go on?
Now if that doesn't say "Merry F*cking Christmas you douchebag of a daughter-in-law".....then I just don't know what does. Ho ho ho....pun intended.
(and yes, it's ok for you to laugh. I did.)
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7 comments:
that is sofuckingfunny I did spit my coffee out.
And I don't find it one bit surprising in the least.
At least if they came from me you would know it was a joke.....coming from MIL.....well....LMAO.
Did D tell you this with a straight face??
He told me over the phone, but he wasn't acting like he saw a problem with it. I just told him that since I don't even like having a bath, to tell her he thought I would prefer something else.
Honestly, I was in such a foul mood last night I couldn't be bothered to care. I just hung up and shook my head. Today I am in slightly better spirits (not sure why, nothing's changed AND my kids are being beasts, but I'll take what I can get at this point) so now it's funny. Hilarious actually. The funniest part is that if she felt the need to call and ask if I would be offended, then didn't that tell her something? LOL
OMG I just remembered that last year she bought me thong underwear. Seriously.
There IS a pattern here. LOL
ha ha, thong undies from the MIL.
THAT is funny.
There are some things you don't buy people.....thong undies (or really ANY undies) is one of them....unless you are the parent of children under the age of 16, or you are a husband buying for your wife, and even the latter is a stretch
I agree. I was totally weird. She bought thong undies for M too, who was only 13 at the time. WTF?
She is a bit different, I will give her that! lol
*I* wasn't totally weird...IT was totally weird. oops
HA! i love it!
i used to call myself harlot on my myspace account. (what? 33 is too old for a myspace acct?)
and i gave my MIL a vibrator for mother's day one year!!!
i love that she got you something called tramp. hey, if people are going to hate you they may as well do the courtesy of giving you a laugh.
I never thought of it that way!!
I'm not easily offended and I am FAR from a prude, but if she bought me a vibrator I would fucking DIE. LOL
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