A bad day? Try a bad year

So this is my first post, which was inspired by a friend who recently started blogging. I have tried (more than once) to blog over the years and have always, well, sucked at it I guess you could say. Strange really, considering I have A LOT to say. I guess it all boils down to time management. My New Year's resolution is to take the time to do it, at least once a week. I figure let's start with small potatoes, right?

I must admit I am secretly hoping that blogging will help me sort out my feelings and maybe put my ridiculously stressful life into some sort of perspective. I really, really, really need some perspective right now. Because of this, I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes, my blog will be a negative one. OK maybe not negative, but I highly doubt it's going to get any laughs. Heck it may not even get any views, and I am completely ok with that. I can be charming and funny (modest much?) but I'm not sure how much of that is going to come across on here. Hopefully more than I'm anticipating. Just not today, today is a bad day.

I hate stress. I hate drama. And yet, they both seem to find me, grab hold and try to suck the life out of me. I do my best to fight it, honestly I do. I have given up even talking about my life stresses with anyone except my man, because quite honestly, if I was my friend, I'd tell myself and my nasty problems to take a hike. I could literally write a novel, a very loooong novel, about my life misfortunes. I am the poster child for Drama, with a capital D.

Let's break it down. Right now, at this moment in time, this is what I am dealing with, in order of importance in my mind:

~A 14 year old hooligan for a daughter who has run away from home, dropped out of school, gotten into drugs & alcohol and is breaking my heart with her refusal to accept help.

~A family member who sexually abused another (child) family member and is now tearing this family apart with people taking sides. There's much, much more to this story, but I'm going to leave it at that for privacy reasons.

~Emotional battle of having another child. I desperately want to start a career in Real Estate, but I am hesitant to establish myself and then put it all on pause to have a baby down the road. I have suffered many miscarriages, including two back to back in the year following my youngest son's birth. I'm pretty sure I am physically ready, but am I emotionally stable enough to deal with yet another possible loss? It honestly might send me over the edge. And, I'm going to throw this out there, even though I know it's utterly selfish......I spent the last year ridding myself of 50lbs of fattening depression, which poses the question - Do I want to spend the next year gaining it all back, only to have to lose it again?

~A new house with a basement that leaks like the effing Titanic, with a repair cost of up to $50,000 oh and let's not forget the $20,000 in legal fees to sue the guy who sold it to us and made no mention of water issues. Let me tell you how thankful I am for the 28 below zero weather this week, never thought I would hear myself saying that.

~A court battle with the ex, who is quite honestly the single most unreasonable human being on this planet. I'm waiting for my day in court and my god if I don't prevail, I am going to kill someone. Perhaps I shouldn't be writing that on my blog, but there it is. Whatever.


There are many more things going on in my life, but those are the doozies. They consume my mind all day, every day and let's not even talk about at night. My mind is reeling when it should be resting. I am not sure how much more I can take. I am thankful to have an extremely supportive man in my life who listens to me rant and wipes my tears when I cry, but the bottom line is that there is nothing anyone can do to make me better. These are issues I have to deal with head on and I just pray that they won't break me.



Someone grant me some strength. Please. I am begging.