The Lady is a Tramp

So my man calls me last night to tell me that his mother is at the mall and is looking for a Christmas present for me. Not surprising, since we clearly expressed that we did NOT want any gifts from anyone this year as we don't have the extra funds to be buying for everyone like we have in past years. I still haven't figured out if she's doing it to make me feel guilty, or to make her feel less guilty because she can't not buy a present for her son. Anyhoo, apparently she found some lovely bath salts she thought I would like. (Can I just point out here that I have honestly only taken one, maybe two, baths in the 3 yrs we've been together?) Apparently the reason she was calling about them is because she was wondering if I would be offended. You're probably wondering how a person could be offended by bath salts. BRACE YOURSELVES PEOPLE. What you are about to read will either make you fall off your chair flat on your ass or laugh so hard that your morning coffee spits on your nose.

The bath salts are called Tramp. Yes, T-R-A-M-P. As in slut, whore, easy, skank, trollop, loose, bimbo, hussy, floozie, jezebel, harlot, tart, wench. Shall I go on?

Now if that doesn't say "Merry F*cking Christmas you douchebag of a daughter-in-law".....then I just don't know what does. Ho ho ho....pun intended.




(and yes, it's ok for you to laugh. I did.)